heritance:

Never fuck with someone who cries when they’re mad. They’ll stab you 48 times and cry in your stab wounds.

methbusters:

who wants to hire me as their maid i’m not gonna clean im just gonna wear a cute maid outfit dust like 6 things and bend down a lot

warsquirtle:

Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life

inter-webs:

*sigh* why am i better than everyone

kaworu420:

i have three moods

• 420
• 69
• 666

heartmehateme:

shoutout to the friends that still like me

all two of you